By Cory Davis
In November, 2020, I read and reviewed Dale Carnegie’s book “How to Win Friends and Influence People“. It was so inspiring and impactful that I thought it would be a great idea to share some of the advice from it here. In this post, I will share two priciples from “How to Win Friends and Influence People” to be liked at work and in your daily life.
It may be impossible to get everyone you meet to like you. However, what you can do is increase the likelihood that they will? One method noted by Dale Carnegie in his book “How to Win Friends and Influence People” is to “make the other person feel important and do it sincerely”. So how do you do this, and why is it a good tool to bring to work?
How to make the other person feel important and do it sincerely
First ask yourself, “what is it about that individual that you can truly and honestly admire?”. If you cannot identify something, then be creative. I am sure you can find something you admire about almost anyone if you approach the situation with the mindset that everyone has a unique quality and untapped potential. Brainstorm things about people that you can admire:
- Fashion sense
- Work ethic
- Positive attitude
- Knowledgeable in a particular area
- Their personal interests
- A book they are reading
- Some life experience they have
- Advice they gave
- A report they wrote
After you found something that you can genuinely admire about that person, tell them. It may be increasingly more difficult with strangers, but even try saying something like “your workmanship is only exceeded by your contagious smile”. A compliment is a good way to make that person feel important.
Next, if you can, be sincere by turning the compliment into some kind of action. For example, if you are a manager and communicating to an employee, giving someone responsibility followed by a compliment can go a long way to boosting their confidence in themselves and you as a confidant. For example, say “I would feel so much more secure if you managed this [important task] because you are clearly qualified [list qualifications; organized, sharp, knowledgeable, etc…]”. By doing this, you may avoid any feelings that you are singling them out. For example, an employee may feel like you are picking on them by giving them an additional workload. The point is to make them feel important by taking the project, explicitly state that leaving no room for uncertainty or miscommunication.
Most importantly, this gesture needs to be sincere and authentic. Do not use this as a trick or hack. If you state their qualifications and they are not something that has been demonstrated or communicated to you, then your dishonesty will be made clear. Not only does it show off your dishonesty, but it may make the other person feel used while demonstrating an irresponsible level of disregard for them. If you state their qualification, be sure you can back it up. You can back it up through their resume, previous jobs they held, or better yet, work/training they have done for your organization and the aspirations or goals they shared with you.
Getting someone to like you instantly could even be as easy as just acknowledging something they do as interesting, or making their opinions feel legitimate and recognized. You as a colleague, a peer, or manager, can get people to like you by acknowledging their feedback or opinions on business matters. Listen to them and compliment the good points.
Remember, this quote:
“Praise is like sunlight to the warm human spirit; we cannot flower and grow without it. And yet, while most of us are only ready to apply to others the cold wind of criticism, we are somehow reluctant to give our fellow the warm sunshine of praise.”
– Jess Lair, Psychologist.
Remember to Smile When it’s Worth Smiling
Another principle mentioned by Dale Carnegie is so simple that we often overlook its impact, just smile. A smile they say is worth a thousand words, but a sincere and genuine one says that you are friendly, warm, kind, non-judgemental and approachable.
As Dale Carnegie proclaims:
“The expression one wears on one’s face is far more important than the clothes one wears on one’s back”.
So, whatever you do, give people a smile. It doesn’t hurt to try.
These tidbits of advice do not only benefit you. It can benefit others as well. They may return the sentiment to others. Your smile could lead to a hundred more. Your compliment could lead to 100 more. If more people behaved this way, undoubtedly, we would be making our world a better place to live. How simple is that?
If you enjoyed this read, please subscribe to my blog, give it a like or follow me on Twitter @interestpeaks. I found this content interesting. But I am more interested in what your thoughts, opinions or advice are. If you have any thoughts, ideas, or feedback, please share them in the comments section below. I would love to hear them.